Posts Tagged With: religion

Jesus Knows You Are a Dog

HOMILY

Preached at Holy Sepulcher Parish on March 15, 2020 at 8:00am and 10:30am Masses

“On the intranet, nobody knows you are a dog.” Or a cat. Or a monkey. Or a potato. It’s an old quote that has been around almost as long as the intranet. It describes the truth that when you are online, you can remain anonymous, create a new persona, become whoever you want to be, essentially reinvent yourself. If you are shy and reserved in person, online you can be bold and opinionated. If you want to meet someone, you can post a picture of some good looking and athletic model to attract others. If you want to appear to be an expert, you can attach an MD or PhD to your name.

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Presenting Ourselves to the Lord

HOMILY

Preached at St. Kilian Parish on February 2, 2020 at 8:00am and 10:00am Masses

February 2 is the midpoint of winter, 40 days after Christmas, and over a month into the new year. So, it’s a good time to reflect on the resolutions that we may have made this year for ourselves. Many of you decided to exercise this year and you have kept your resolution because I am still waiting in line for a treadmill at the gym. Some of you might have decided to exercise, diet, quit smoking (or vaping), become more organized, clean out your garage, spend more time with your family, or even work on your spiritual life by attending Mass more or praying the Rosary more. But whatever resolutions we make, they usually involve making something more present in our life (like exercise and other good habits) or making something less present in our life (like cigarettes and other bad habits). We make resolutions to present a better version of ourselves (to be fitter, healthier, more organized) or to be more present to God and to others. So, today’s feast of The Presentation of the Lord is a good time to reflect on our resolutions and the other ways we try to improve ourselves.

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Searching for the Faint Star of Bethlehem

HOMILY

Preached at St. Kilian Parish on January 5, 2019 at the 8:00am and 10:00am Masses

The Butler Hospital in Butler, PA has always had a special place in my heart. For one thing I was born there. The hospital was also the first place I lived growing up. We lived in a large yellow apartment building in downtown Butler, which was the original Butler General Hospital. My mom found it creepy living in a former hospital that was right next to a cemetery, so we soon moved to our home on Third Street, one block away from the current Butler Memorial Hospital. I spent a lot of time at the hospital: playing football in the lower parking lot using the painted lines as yard markers and sled riding the hospital hill using the elevator from the lower lot to the upper lot as a ski lift. So, I spent some time getting repaired at the hospital as well. Back in the day before HIPAA privacy laws, the Butler Eagle newspaper would publish the list of people that were admitted to the hospital each day, so my family would often visit people in the hospital because we lived so close. I even met my first high school girlfriend at the hospital, she was a volunteer who sat at the front desk to tell you in which room your neighbor or loved was staying.

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Clothed in Joy

HOMILY

Preached at St. Kilian Parish on December 14, 2019 at the 4:00pm and 5:30pm Masses

Today is the Third Sunday of Advent and we celebrate by lighting the pink can dle of the Advent wreath, although the color is officially called rose. An easy way to remember this is to remember that Jesus rose from the dead, he did not pink from the dead! It’s one of my favorite Catholic jokes and I only get to use it twice a year. We have the option to wear rose colored vestments on this day, and they have them at Holy Sepulcher, but we don’t have them here at St. Kilian’s, so we wear the more traditional purple. Just to give you an idea of what it would look like, underneath my vestments I am wearing a pink, or rose, colored shirt.

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Our Lives Are Not Hallmark Movies

HOMILY

Preached at St. Kilian Parish on November 17, 2019 at the Noon and 5:00pm Masses

Did anyone have any trouble getting home on Tuesday? What a disaster that snowstorm was! Cranberry was complete gridlock! When I get stuck in traffic, I take it as a sign that God wants me to pray. Well, apparently, he really wanted to have a long chat with me! That snow was like the end of the world had come!

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Our Faith Journey Takes the Scenic Route

HOMILY

Preached at Holy Sepulcher Parish on August 11, 2019 at the 8:00am and 10:30am Masses

Joe was hiking alone at the top of a high canyon. He stopped to take a selfie of himself, but he got too close to the edge and fell. On the way down he was able to grab a branch, which kept him from plunging to his death, but he was now stuck a thousand feet above the canyon floor with no way to climb up the steep wall of the canyon to safety. So he began yelling “HELP! HELP! IS THERE ANYONE UP THERE THAT CAN HELP ME?”

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Climbing the Mountain of God

HOMILY

Preached at Holy Sepulcher Parish on March 16, 2019 at the 4:00pm Mass and St. Kilian Parish on March 17, 2019 at the 8:00am Mass

A young man was having trouble driving through a bad snow storm, until he remembered what his father told him, that if he ever had trouble driving in snow, he should just pull off and wait for a snow plow and then follow it, so he pulled off the road and waited. In a short while a snow plow drove by and so the young man pulled out and followed it. After an hour of driving around, the snow plow driver was fed up and got out of his truck to ask why he was being followed. The young man explained what his father had told him about what to do if he had trouble driving in snow. “OK,” replied the snow plow driver, “I’m done with the Walmart parking lot now, but if you want you can follow me to Target.” “Sure,” the young man replied, “but after that, could you swing by the Hallmark store? It’s Valentine’s Day and I need to pick up a card for my wife.”
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Following Jesus to the Ultimate Catch

HOMILY

Preached at St. Kilian Parish on February 10, 2019 at the 12:00pm and 5:00pm Masses

A young man was having trouble driving through a bad snow storm, until he remembered what his father told him, that if he ever had trouble driving in snow, he should just pull off and wait for a snow plow and then follow it, so he pulled off the road and waited. In a short while a snow plow drove by and so the young man pulled out and followed it. After an hour of driving around, the snow plow driver was fed up and got out of his truck to ask why he was being followed. The young man explained what his father had told him about what to do if he had trouble driving in snow. “OK,” replied the snow plow driver, “I’m done with the Walmart parking lot now, but if you want you can follow me to Target.” “Sure,” the young man replied, “but after that, could you swing by the Hallmark store? It’s Valentine’s Day and I need to pick up a card for my wife.”
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True Love Is Sacrificial

HOMILY

Preached at Holy Sepulcher Parish on October 6, 2018 at the 4:00pm Mass and October 7, 2018 at the 8:00AM and 10:30AM Masses

Recently there was a renewal of vows Mass for married couples at St. Catherine of Sweden Parish and they asked me to be the guest speaker at the dinner that followed Mass to talk about marriage. Because most of the couples in attendance have been married longer than I have been and are also probably better at marriage than I am, I was hesitant to do it. But I agreed to do it as my initial contact with the people of at my new parish assignment, which of course we now know I am staying here at Holy Sepulcher. I was supposed to talk for 15 minutes, but I was very busy at work that week and I didn’t have 15 minutes of material ready. So, to fill time I began by having all the married couples stand and then I said, “Couples married less than five years be seated.” Then I said, “Couples married less than 10 years be seated.” This is done sometimes at wedding receptions and it is a great time filler, so I continued up through all the five-year increments, 15, 20, 25, etc. until there was one couple remaining who had been married 65 years. Obviously, this couple should have been giving marriage advice to me and not the other way around, so I went over to them and asked them to share with those in attendance their secret for how they have stayed happily married for 65 years. The husband took the microphone, looked at the crowd, and said, “I keep my mouth shut.”
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Our Elephants Hiding in the Tree

HOMILY

Preached at Holy Sepulcher Parish on September 1, 2018 at 6:00pm Mass and September 2, 2018 at the 8:00am and 10:30am Masses

Why do you not see elephants hiding in trees?  Because they are really good at it.

But seriously, today I am going to talk about the elephant in the room, or the elephant in the Church, I guess you might say.  Not the grand jury report on child sexual abuse in the Church of Pittsburgh and other dioceses of Pennsylvania, although it is part of it.  Today’s subject is sin.

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Our Inner Selves Never Grow Old

HOMILY

Preached at Holy Sepulcher Parish on June 9, 2018 at 6:00pm Mass and June 10, 2018 at the 8:00am and 10:30am Masses

Image may contain: indoorI was driving my car to the store recently and there was a good song on the radio, I don’t really remember what song it was, but I know it was the 80’s channel, the music of my youth.  As I often do when listening to a good song, I had the radio turned up all the way to 11.  Also, because it was a nice day I had the windows down and the roof open.  When I got to the store, I pulled into an open parking space and decided to finish listening to the song.  When the song was over I got out of my car and to my horror I realized with some embarrassment that a young woman had been in the car next to me with her windows down and could not help but hear my loud music.  I may have even been singing along.  Embarrassed, I apologized about all the noise.  “No problem, sir,” she replied.  “I love Oldies music too.”

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How Is It Possible to Love One Another?

HOMILY

Preached at Holy Sepulcher Parish on May 5, 2018 at 6:00pm Mass and March 6, 2018 at the 8:00am and 10:30am Masses

My vanity plate

I wasn’t here last week.  Did I miss anything?  Were there any important announcements or anything?  Just kidding, I realize we had the important On Mission for the Church Alive announcements.  I would have been here for this important day, but I had plans for a long time to race my car last week.  Unfortunately, they only hold race events on weekends, but I thought I was doing it with God’s blessing.  I have a cross on the car, a cross on my helmet, Speed Deacon in large letters across my visor, Team Jesus printed on my shirt, and I have a bible verse as my vanity plate.  Surely God wanted me to do well.  But I finished next to last.  Out of almost 200 cars participating, I only beat one of them.  The car was another Ford Focus like mine, but it was black instead of yellow and it’s number was 666! God wanted me to realize my calling is the Church and not racing and he made it clear, although he didn’t want me to lose to the a friend of Satan!

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Lent: The Journey From Death to Life

HOMILY

Preached at Holy Sepulcher Parish on March 28, 2018 at 8:00am and 10:30am Masses

Image result for year of living biblically

A family had two little boys that were always stealing things.  They stole from their classmates at school, took things from the neighbors’ yards, and shoplifted things when they were at the mall with their mom.  The parents tried everything they could to change their boys’ bad behavior, but nothing worked.  As a last resort they decided to ask their pastor what to do.  (*only in a joke is a priest considered a last resort.*)   The pastor agreed to talk to each boy individually about stealing.

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The Words of God Guide Us Through Lent

HOMILY

Preached at Holy Sepulcher Parish on March 3, 2018 at 4:00pm Mass and March 4, 2018 at 10:30am Mass

Image result for ten commandments

Ben and Hannah were not the most devout or religious Jews, and like the many Catholics that only attend Mass on Christmas or Easter, they only went to the Temple once or twice a year.  As they were leaving the Temple, the Rabbi said, “Ben, it would be nice to see you and your wife Hannah here at the Temple more often!”

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What Christmas Is All About

HOMILY

Preached at Holy Sepulcher Parish on December 24, 2017 at 8:00pm Mass

That’s what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown!  I say that for two reasons, one because it is true and second because ever since I was a small child I remember standing on the pew after that gospel was proclaimed and there was that dramatic pause at the end before the priest or deacon says, “The gospel of the Lord,” I would say loud and clear for all to hear, “That’s what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown!”   It always got laughs, but you can imagine my wife’s horror when we attended our first Christmas together and I had still continued that tradition well into my 20’s.  If you have ever seen the commercial where the husband is wearing a light up Raiders sweater to his wife’s family Christmas dinner, and everyone is wearing Kansas City Chiefs jerseys, the reaction of the wife in the commercial was about Karen at our first Midnight Mass together, along with a sharp elbow to the ribs!

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The Ultimate Status Symbol

HOMILY

Preached at Holy Sepulcher Parish on November 4, 2017 at 4:00pm and November 5, 2017 at 8:00am and 10:30am Masses

I bought a new watch this week, not because I needed a new watch, but because I needed a new watchband, and for whatever reason a watchband costs as much as a new watch, so I got the whole watch.  It even came with a 10-year battery.  All for the unbelievably low price of $17.  I even saved 5% because I used a Target Red Card.  It was a great deal.

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Exercise Your Way to Heaven

HOMILY

Preached at Holy Sepulcher Parish on October 14, 2017 at 6:00pm and October 15, 2017 at 8:00am and 10:30am Masses

A married couple were in their 90’s and had been married for 70 years, but they still had excellent health, because the wife always insisted that they both eat right and exercise.  Unfortunately, as they drove to the beach on vacation, they were in a terrible auto accident and they both died.

When they arrived in heaven they were greeted by St. Peter who said, “Welcome to heaven!  Right this way!  The feast is about to begin!”

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